Why do husbands stop?

They are so sweet and inocent at the begginig. They always shave and greet you with smooches. Pick up after themselves and order flowers, takeout and sometimes cook! Leave sweet notes, let you choose, cuddle you all night IN bed! They tell you your beautiful and cant live without you. Then you get married and have kids. They almost automatically change! Why the he** does this happen? I get so sad and frustrated at mine. LOVE him to pieces. I just cant understand him, explain

Why do husbands stop?
Well, I am speaking from the perspective of a wife of almost 8 years with two small children. I still am greeted with smooches and a hug, except every time he hugs me our daughter runs over to get into it too. Kind of cute, but not really romantic. My husband wears a beard, so shaving has not really been an issue, but I will admit that I shave my legs less often than I did before we had kids. My showers have to be shorter, and there's not always hot water left for a shave! As far as picking up after himself, that was never his strong suit, but he will help me pick up the kids stuff, so go figure that one out. He is still willing to get takeout if we want it, but I don't remember him ever cooking for me in our married life. On the other hand, since I work 3 nights a week, I'm happy he feeds the children. There is no doubt that our focus has shifted from each other to the children, which is not a bad thing, but certainly does change the dynamic between us. And I will admit, one of my resolutions this year was to have more bedroom time with him because that had kind of fallen to the wayside and I wanted to work on it. He thinks it's the best resolution ever. And honestly, before marriage and kids (mostly before kids) I worked really hard to look good for him, but now, I don't really care if my hair's in a ponytail and I'm in sweats all day since I'm cleaning house and chasing children. So for us, at least, it goes both ways.
Reply:Best answer I've seen is by Chris Rock. When you're dating you get F*%26amp;*%*^(. When you get married, you have sexual intercourse. When you're dating you get B*%26amp;$ J(^87. When you're married, you get fellatio.
Reply:Didnt happen to me...My husband and i have been happily married 17 yrs and he is still the same sweet,loving,caring and affectionate man i married...He still buys me flowers,still loves to cuddle,still tells me to him im the most beautiful woman in the world to him and still says he could never live without me..
Reply:Well are you doing the same things you use to do before the kids arrived. It can go both ways on this one. Sometimes they need to be reminded but most of the time they stop b/c their is more important responsibilities that they have now and you have been put on the back burner. Talk and communicate. Let him know you will be willing to do some stuff if he will romance you a little. A little compromise is in order b/c I can gurantee you aren't the same as you were during the courting part.
Reply:PPl get lazy when the eros wears off a little. He may be tired. Encourage him every chance you get. That always helps. I would also read "Sex God" by Rob Bell if you can get a copy. It's only like 100 pages and the marriage parts are pure gold.
Reply:we all are guilty of that not just men
Reply:hes prolly saying the same.... "they always shave, greet you with smooches...sometimes cook..." haha





i dunno. kids change a lot of things i guess.
Reply:if it feels any better, wives do the same...


men operate in the visual area...when the wife starts letting herself go, he begins to lose his romantic incentive...especially if there is no sexual reward.


and there are the phoney men am nd women who only pretend to be so giving. some say men are only mainly interesed in the hunt...and once it's accomplishd, we're ready for new game....


what are you doing? do you take care of your looks? or are you one of those women who want to be loved for you, not for your looks?


If you take care of yourself, not only do you look good, but it shows your man that you aren't lazy and that you care about him enough to take the trouble. that's a win-win. but he catch is, if you look good, he'll want you, and you may not want that either.
Reply:He's not the only one changing... you are too. You don't realize it, but everything is more exciting at the beginning, it cools off with time. You change too, everyone does, it's normal.
Reply:There's an old joke. A wife says to her husband "Whatever happened to being romantic and giving me roses?" To which the husband replies "Whatever happened to all that great sex?"





Now I'm not saying it's either of your fault, just that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. He isn't this way for no reason and whatever you are doing to promote his behaviour comes from something he's doing also. You two need to talk about it openly and honestly and without attacking each other or being judgemental. Then, and only then, will you find out why you are where you're at and can start to change it.
Reply:It is part of the phases of life. Usually it is the husbands complaining why do women after marriage and kids gain weight, have no interest in sex, and seem tired and preoccupied all the time.
Reply:And you expect me to believ you have not changed how you react? Have you stopped being responsive to the compliments? Do you nagg? Nagging is real turn off.





Women always dump on men about relationship things. But Never look at how they have changed in the relationship.





Courtship is hard work. Should it have to last forever?
Reply:Woman are emotional beings, and therefore we tend to like to feel loved, but men are more physical (not that they aren't thoughtful and all) but some men get bored, it not that they love you any less, then just need constant excitement. so try and shake things up, maybe not have a routine all the time.
Reply:The same reason why some women stop giving head after marriage-they feel that you ain't going nowhere so they no longer have to do those things. LOL---Chris Rock's words-not mine...LOL!!!
Reply:Instead of something you have together voluntarily, it's now your life setup - an obligation. Just like people don't go to work skipping everyday with donuts for everyone. Some people do. But for most everyone else, it's obligation.
Reply:I never stopped.





My wife quit giving it up after the kids were born.





I still try, but only get laid once a month, and that SUCKS.
Reply:but my dear have u changed also?
Reply:They get comfy, and just assume you know...Also to a guy having kids is like the ultimate GUY killer...It signifies that they are not longer available, but rather very much TIED down, and it freaks them out...So they fall into the same comfy level everyone does when a relationship is out of the HONEYMOON stage...Its normal..It doesnt mean he doesnt still feel the same way..It simply means he know you know how he feels about you, and he doesnt think your gonna fly the coupe so he doesnt feel the need to pound it into you like before....Why dont you take the first step to get that back. Send the kids to granny's house and go out on a date...So many moms lose theirselves in motherhood..They lose their identies to their kids...every other day ....take the step to make yourself look awesome...Ill bet youll get those complements and sweet stuff back...
Reply:the pursuit is over for your man...he seems to think he has conquered you, but not all men are like this...especially the ones who want to maintain a good marriage.
Reply:Natural instinct.... offspring become a priority.
Reply:I am going to ask you a question to which only you know the truth: Do you think romance is all about him giving and you taking? That is how I have read your bit here.





This seems to involve communication issues too. If you are speaking to him in demanding language, nagging or constantly seeking attention, then he will probably withdraw, and for a number of reasons. The main one is that we know that there are certain battles we cannot win.





He needs encouragement too, and all I have read here is that he should constantly be head over heels about you and all you are is some sort of precious gift to him. Truth is, that you are a gift to him, but you do not seem to be giving him more than your presence in his life. Your references to him are not positive either!





Marriage is sacrifice, and you will have to sacrifice pride and effort to show him that he is the man of your dreams. You have to do this because YOU have seen it as an issue. He is NOT a mind reader, and he may also take time to re-stimulate.





Complacency in marriage is very common. You are not alone, and neither is he in this situation. Often those who complain about the complacency of others are guilty of it too. Do not feel too bad about this (or blame him either), but recognise that it is an issue that you both need to work at.





Work tires a man out, and women too( whether it is dometic or outside work), and you both have to make sacrifices.





I hope this helps
Reply:After you marry them and have their children they don't think that they have to try anymore. You belong to him now, and he doesn't believe you have it in you to do anything about the situation. You're going to have to take some drastic action with this one - like leave him and take the kids with you, or better yet, throw his sorry a** OUT for awhile. It's funny but that usually makes them start trying hard again.
Reply:Sometimes guys get bored with the same old thing everyday and sometimes couples loose that spark between them after a number of years. Having kids can also take out the spark because parents tend to revolve around what their children are doing and the forget about their own relationship. Why don't you try surprising him one night by wearing some hot nighty with rose pedals on the bed. Or try getting it on in a public place, or somewhere random and different. Try to be spontaneous and really try to spend a little time with each other each day if it's possible. You can even text each other during work so you guys can have talking time a little bit. Hopefully some of this will help.
Reply:I think men are all about the chase....





The secret is to keep improving on yourself so that they continue to WANT to chase....





Think about it, are you the person you were when he was picking up after himself and sending you flowers? If you're walking around all sad and frustrated...who's sending flowers to that??





Realize that your happiness is within you and men just add to that happiness. Once you get this....life will greatly improve.





Take the time to work on you and see what happens.





Good luck :)
Reply:well that happens to alot of marriages, and im a married guy for 8 years with 2 children, and i still bring home the flowers and we make love at least 4 times a week still. making her happy is what i live for. i dont get y some guys do that, all i can think of is that its a lack of effort. i dont think its that he doesnt love u the same, i think he just got tired of going out of his way for u
Reply:guys get settled because girls get settled. girls stop paying attention to the guy, stop sucking and gain weight and become moms.


You need to get into good shape. look sexy and act sexy. start acting like you use to in bed. lets face it, guys like sexy bodys and you women gain weight and pay more attention to the kids than you do your husbands.
Reply:Its fun to date and do that stuff. But when you're married and have kids, its harder to be romantic. Maybe leave the kids at the grandparents once in a while and go on a date.
Reply:A suggestion is to read the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husband's by Dr. Laura. Lots of good info in there, if you are looking to please your hubby and reap the rewards of him giving back to you.





Good luck!
Reply:I wish I could. Mine does the same thing. Life just gets in the way sometimes. Work, kids, etc. It takes a toll on both of you. I feel the same way you do. I wish I had an answer for you, but I only have empathy. Sorrry:(
Reply:Are you putting some time aside for the two of you to be alone? Maybe a surprise night alone without the kiddies around would spark him up. Let him know you do miss the romance. Don't be shy about asking for what you need.
Reply:LOL They put their best foot forward. Now they have what they shaved and coddled and cuddled for and they don't have to do all that work anymore. I've seen this alot and many women complain that their husbands have let themselves go. I've seen women do the same thing. But it doesn't happen in every case, my husband is still the same man I was dating a while back. It's just that most men are naturally lazy creatures.